Skip to main content

Yes, They’re Real: Our Fandom Friendships Across Time Zones



If, like me, you've ever tried to explain to an ‘outsider’ how our fandom friendships work, you'll know that few people truly understand. Well, practically nobody.


How do you explain that your friends are real friends even if they live in a different continent and you only see them once a year (if you’re lucky)? The overwhelming perception from colleagues and ‘civilians’ is that if you can’t physically hang out on a regular basis, those people cannot possibly be real friends.


Every fan knows that this is simply wrong. And I mean all fans - whether it’s our band or not, whether it’s a cult TV show or a fantasy book series, we all inhabit similar worlds, with similar rules and similar conventions.


The other Frequently Asked Question is ‘do you and your friends just talk about [insert fandom here] all day?’

How do you reply to that, other than in the standard, sarcastic way - “sure, what else would we have to talk about?”. The truth is that, once someone becomes your friend, it makes no difference if you met them through the Hanson forum or down your local pub: you’ve connected, and everything else follows. You discuss your lives, your family, your children, your work. You send each other Christmas cards and birthday presents. It’s like any other friendship: why shouldn’t be?


At this point, if this was an academic paper, I’d say let us discuss subcultures

Fandoms and subcultures have a lot in common, but fandoms are centred around one specific interest (a band, a TV Show) whereas a subculture revolves around a specific set of beliefs and behaviours, as well as the rejection of the prevailing current mainstream culture. In other words, if you’re a goth, you’re buying into the whole package: the music, of course, but also the clothes, the lifestyle and a certain subversive stance to differentiate yourself from the rest of the world. You want to be recognisable to your peers as a goth and you want to make a statement to others saying, ‘I’m not like you’.

Goth is a sub-culture


If you’re a fan, however, you might look totally different from your peers, and have diametrically different political views. Save for the occasional wearing of fandom merch, you’ll probably be wearing totally different clothes from each other. Appearance wise, a fandom is a heterogeneous group. On the other hand, a fandom’s focus is much narrower than a subculture’s, and, especially if your subject of interest is small, niche, your fandom becomes a microcosm, a surrogate family, an alternate universe.


‘Microcosm’ is perhaps my favourite definition of a fandom’s world. It’s like a small slice of society, and operates within similar rules. Someone is looking for a roommate for a forthcoming Hanson event? Behind the scenes, fans will contact each other to find out more about the prospective roomie, effectively taking up references on one another in the same way as employers do with job applicants (“Oh no, I can’t possibly room with her. She’s friends with Nutcase Nancy, who got banned for touching Taylor's butt last year”*It’s networking at its very best, and its effectiveness would make LinkedIn pale in comparison.
[*This example is entirely fictitious and offered for illustration purposes only].


Just like the traditional group of friends who have known each other since kindergarten, we have complex dynamics, fights and feuds. We have our regular events throughout the year, and whether we can go or not, these events mark our calendars in the same way as Christmas and other festivities: January? BTTI. May? Tulsa. Autumn? There might be a tour, or you can get yourself to Epcot and enjoy the band and meet Mickey Mouse at the same time.


Hanson at Epcot 'Eat to the Beat' Festival
Let’s not kid ourselves though: a fandom is still a crazier, more intense version of the real world. Who else, in real life, would not bat an eyelid at the thought of sharing not only a room, but a bed with a complete stranger for a whole week? And who would plan their time off for the next 2, 3 consecutive years, according to the band’s movements, hedging their bets based on the frequency of previous tours? We do.


I sometimes think of my B.H* (*Before Hanson) life. How things used to be simpler, easier, normal. I didn’t live in this state of perma-worry about taking time off work at the least convenient time, and I didn’t have to budget for holidays in the Caribbean (something which anyone who knows me will testify to). But I also remember how things used to be so terribly dull. The truth is, I can’t imagine going back to my old, pre-fandom life. My life has been enriched in so many ways I can’t even tell you: not just by music, but by friendships and travel. I enjoy myself a lot more, even when I’m just  sitting at home behind a computer screen, chatting to my friends on the other side of the world, dissecting our most recent adventures and plotting the next ones.


Time zones on my phone

So next time someone laugh at you condescendingly and questions if your friendships are real, nod wisely and move on.  Do you really care about the opinion of someone whose friends all live within a 20-mile radius? Can you really connect with someone who can’t envisage travelling halfway around the world for their favourite band? Why would you even want to?

The dreaded after-work drinks

I know for a fact that I’ve had enough of soul-sapping after-work drinks with people I have nothing in common with; life really is too short to spend even an hour of your free time wishing to be elsewhere. Besides, I’m too old to care. So if you’ll excuse me now, I have to go: my friend from California has just woken up and we have serious business to discuss.


Until next time -
Come
on this musical ride
with me


It might just change the life you think you're gonna lead
If I'm right you might just stop and see
It might just change your life

It might just blow your mind

Hanson, 'Musical Ride'

Comments

  1. NAILED IT!!! It's truly the most Ride or die/crazy group of fans I have EVER met in my life .College sororities have nothing on this fan base , this "sisterhood" runs deeper. <3 <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you're talking about sisterhood, I can't help thinking of ....SISTER ACT!!! #wecanrockthisplace #Ilovehim

      Delete
    2. #IwillfollowHim (At least I didn't start singing the Mickey Mouse club theme .....again hahaha)

      Delete
  2. you put that across i a great way i have round the fandon scene for many many years and have made so many friends over the years some who i have been friends with for over 30 years because of fandon , a band and music and traveling ..... and as old as i am i love it even more the friends i have made the places i have seen the things i have done the friends who i have been blessed to now have all down to Fandon , a band there music and i look froward to many more years to come of this , but i have one thing to ask who will be willing to push my wheel chair for me when im to old to stand around hrs on end ? love this @asphodelia well written as always , hope to see you soon xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shazie, we'll be rockin' it together soon! You were one of the very first people who made me feel welcome in this crazy, crazy world - to new adventures!

      Delete
  3. This is the greatest blog ever. Our friends in the fandom are true friends in every sense of the word. I'm very proud to be able to call the people I've met though Hanson my friends. I look forward to many more great adventures. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'The greatest blog ever' - I'll have that ;)
      I'm looking forward to insomniac nights....!

      Delete
  4. Yesterday one of the girls in our group had her birthday celebration, and we were lamenting about how we couldn't all be together. You could not have posted this at a more perfect time.

    Since college I've found the idea of fandom fascinating. I think it's a way for us to find a sense of community - it's a family outside of our blood relatives and school/work friends. It gives us a whole other life, just as you said, to experience and enjoy. Fantastic read, Paola.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I keep saying to people, if I were an academic I'd write a PhD on Hanson, on fansons, on fandoms in general. It's a fascinating subject and clearly it resonates with a lot of people. Thank you so much for reading!

      Delete
  5. I enjoyed reading this and can definitely relate to it all! I always get asked if I'm "going with" anyone when I tell people I'm going on a trip, and it's hard to explain that I'm technically going by myself, but I'm meeting up with someone else...who doesn't live here or in the place we're going and never has, but yes, we're good friends. Oh but how do we know each other, then? Well, we met in this entirely other location where neither of us has ever lived either. That clears everything up, right? :-p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is it - people look at you as if you're weird, or nuts - or a bit of both. I've really given up trying to explain, and now I actively pity those people who will never experience what we have!

      Delete
  6. lovely text. congratulations <3

    IsaSafira

    ReplyDelete
  7. I spot the Buenos Aires time zone there ♥
    Living with someone those moments of happiness, sometimes one of the best moments of your life is timeless. I doesn't matter if you meet the person a few hours ago, it's equal to days, months of year or other friendships you have.
    See you next year ♥

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hanson Day 2019: a Recap

Registration To everyone’s surprise, registration opened before the event had even officially started, on Wednesday afternoon. I don’t know if that was planned, or if it was a last minute decision, but it was a good idea regardless. It’s obvious that more and more people are arriving to Tulsa earlier in the week, so it makes sense to try and register as many attendees as possible, as soon as possible. So by late afternoon on Wednesday I had my bracelet, my tickets and, most importantly, my EP. I’d lugged my trusted old MacBook Air and an external CD drive all the way across the Atlantic with the sole purpose of being able to listen to that EP straightaway so I headed back to my hotel room for a very exclusive Listening Party. ( Check out this blog again soon for a full review of the EP .) Storytellers Setlist This year’s Storytellers was effectively an acoustic show, centred around the Underneath album. It’s a golden combination for me, as I discovered the b

A BTTI 2017 Post-Mortem - Part 1: Dissecting the Shows

It was only going to be a ‘once in a lifetime’ experience: the solo sets had sold it to me, and besides, I’d never seen Hanson play with the full band. A one-off. Yes, it was only going to be a one-off. Well, that was 2015. On a grey and wet British New Year’s Day, I boarded a Jamaica-bound flight, ready to do it all again for the third time in 2017. Those who have read my blog posts from BTTI 2016 might remember that I wasn’t exactly awestruck by last year’s event: I’d found the shows lacking something, not to mention I'd been left seriously disappointed by Isaac’s solo set (for an Isaac ‘girl’, this is a serious matter). Aside from having fallen in love with Jamaica, I guess my mixed feelings about 2016 were part of the reason for wanting to go back: I had such fantastic memories of the 2015 shows in Cancun that I wanted another taste of that experience. I knew BTTI was more than a holiday with friends: it was a chance for me, as a European fan, to load up on Hanson conc

Is this In Real Life? A review of Hanson's 2019 Fan Club EP

I was in my hotel room in Tulsa when I first listened to the EP. I’d ferried my trusted seven year old MacBook Air all across the Atlantic, complete with an equally old and battered external CD drive, with the sole purpose of ripping that CD the moment it was in my hands and listening to it in religious contemplation. Compromise The first song in the EP, "Compromise" starts with a piano and guitar intro, and instantly puts me in a state of acoustic bliss that reaches its nirvana as Isaac’s voice comes on some twenty seconds later. Before you can scream ‘Isaac lead’,  Zac takes over vocals on the second verse,  with the final part going to Taylor. After my initial split second of disappointment, it made complete sense: it’s a song about compromise, shared among the three brothers and layered with their trademark harmonies in between each verse. What is that if not a perfect example of musical compromise? Thematically, my first thought was that the lyr