Yes, They’re Real: Our Fandom Friendships Across Time Zones

If, like me, you've ever tried to explain to an ‘outsider’ how our fandom friendships work, you'll know that few people truly understand. Well, practically nobody.

How do you explain that your friends are real friends even if they live in a different continent and you only see them once a year (if you’re lucky)? The overwhelming perception from colleagues and ‘civilians’ is that if you can’t physically hang out on a regular basis, those people cannot possibly be real friends.

Every fan knows that this is simply wrong. And I mean all fans - whether it’s our band or not, whether it’s a cult TV show or a fantasy book series, we all inhabit similar worlds, with similar rules and similar conventions.

The other Frequently Asked Question is ‘do you and your friends just talk about [insert fandom here] all day?’

How do you reply to that, other than in the standard, sarcastic way - “sure, what else would we have to talk about?”. The truth is that, once someone becomes your friend, it makes no difference if you met them through the Hanson forum or down your local pub: you’ve connected, and everything else follows. You discuss your lives, your family, your children, your work. You send each other Christmas cards and birthday presents. It’s like any other friendship: why shouldn’t be?

At this point, if this was an academic paper, I’d say let us discuss subcultures. 

Fandoms and subcultures have a lot in common, but fandoms are centred around one specific interest (a band, a TV Show) whereas a subculture revolves around a specific set of beliefs and behaviours, as well as the rejection of the prevailing current mainstream culture. In other words, if you’re a goth, you’re buying into the whole package: the music, of course, but also the clothes, the lifestyle and a certain subversive stance to differentiate yourself from the rest of the world. You want to be recognisable to your peers as a goth and you want to make a statement to others saying, ‘I’m not like you’.

Goth is a sub-culture

If you’re a fan, however, you might look totally different from your peers, and have diametrically different political views. Save for the occasional wearing of fandom merch, you’ll probably be wearing totally different clothes from each other. Appearance wise, a fandom is a heterogeneous group. On the other hand, a fandom’s focus is much narrower than a subculture’s, and, especially if your subject of interest is small, niche, your fandom becomes a microcosm, a surrogate family, an alternate universe.

‘Microcosm’ is perhaps my favourite definition of a fandom’s world. It’s like a small slice of society, and operates within similar rules. Someone is looking for a roommate for a forthcoming Hanson event? Behind the scenes, fans will contact each other to find out more about the prospective roomie, effectively taking up references on one another in the same way as employers do with job applicants (“Oh no, I can’t possibly room with her. She’s friends with Nutcase Nancy, who got banned for touching Taylor's butt last year”*) It’s networking at its very best, and its effectiveness would make LinkedIn pale in comparison.

[*This example is entirely fictitious and offered for illustration purposes only].

Just like the traditional group of friends who have known each other since kindergarten, we have complex dynamics, fights and feuds. We have our regular events throughout the year, and whether we can go or not, these events mark our calendars in the same way as Christmas and other festivities: January? BTTI. May? Tulsa. Autumn? There might be a tour, or you can get yourself to Epcot and enjoy the band and meet Mickey Mouse at the same time.

Hanson at Epcot 'Eat to the Beat' Festival

Let’s not kid ourselves though: a fandom is still a crazier, more intense version of the real world. Who else, in real life, would not bat an eyelid at the thought of sharing not only a room, but a bed with a complete stranger for a whole week? And who would plan their time off for the next 2, 3 consecutive years, according to the band’s movements, hedging their bets based on the frequency of previous tours? We do.

I sometimes think of my B.H* (*Before Hanson) life. How things used to be simpler, easier, normal. I didn’t live in this state of perma-worry about taking time off work at the least convenient time, and I didn’t have to budget for holidays in the Caribbean (something which anyone who knows me will testify to). But I also remember how things used to be so terribly dull. The truth is, I can’t imagine going back to my old, pre-fandom life. My life has been enriched in so many ways I can’t even tell you: not just by music, but by friendships and travel. I enjoy myself a lot more, even when I’m just  sitting at home behind a computer screen, chatting to my friends on the other side of the world, dissecting our most recent adventures and plotting the next ones.

Time zones on my phone

So next time someone laugh at you condescendingly and questions if your friendships are real, nod wisely and move on.  Do you really care about the opinion of someone whose friends all live within a 20-mile radius? Can you really connect with someone who can’t envisage travelling halfway around the world for their favourite band? Why would you even want to?

The dreaded after-work drinks

I know for a fact that I’ve had enough of soul-sapping after-work drinks with people I have nothing in common with; life really is too short to spend even an hour of your free time wishing to be elsewhere. Besides, I’m too old to care. So if you’ll excuse me now, I have to go: my friend from California has just woken up and we have serious business to discuss.

Until next time -

Come

on this musical ride

with me

It might just change the life you think you're gonna lead

If I'm right you might just stop and see

It might just change your life

It might just blow your mind

Hanson, 'Musical Ride'